Pirate Jokes

Wow, I'm been really bad at updating lately.  It's not that I've forgotten about the blog, it's just that I've been really lazy lately. Ha.  I've also gotten a bit of a writer's block right now.

So in the interest of keeping something up on this blog, I'm going to post some of my favorite pirate related jokes. You have to read these in your best pirate voice in order to make it fun:

What's a pirate's favorite consonant?
Aarrr!

What's a pirate's favorite vowel?
Aaaarrrr!!

Since when did vowels become consonants?
Because they AAaaaaarrrrrr!

What's a pirate's favorite pattern?
Aarrgyle!

Favorite fast food place?
Aaarrrby's!

Favorite state?
AAaaarrrrrrrkansas!

Favorite movie rating?
AAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr. . . . . . . . . . .PG-13!

What's a pirate's favorite place to shop?

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs. The bartender looks up and says, "Why do you have a steering wheel between your legs?"
"Yaarr, I don't know. . . but it be drivin' me nuts!"


Once there was a magician on a pirate ship who would perform magic tricks for the crew. At the back of the audience, the pirate captain would stand with his parrot on his shoulder. Every time the magician would perform a trick, the parrot would squawk, "It's in his sleeve, SQUAWK!" "There's a trapdoor, SQUAWK!" "I know how he did it, SQUAWK!"

This squawking throughout the show ruined the magician's performance.  So that night, the magician decided to sneak into the captain's quarters and shoot the parrot with a pistol.

The magician shot the pistol, missed the parrot, and hit a barrel of gunpowder - blowing the whole ship to bits, killing everyone but the parrot and the magician, who were left to drift in the middle of the ocean on pieces of drift wood.

The parrot looked around, then looked at the pirate and said, "Alright, I give up, where'd you put the dang boat?"


A deckhand was out looking for a crew to join. He climbed aboard a pirate ship and saw the scariest-looking pirate captain he'd ever seen. The captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch.

"Wow, you're the scariest pirate I've ever seen! How'd you get your peg leg?" asked the deckhand.

"Yaar, a crocodile bit it off in the Florida Keys," replied the captain.

"Oh wow. . .How'd you get the hook?" asked the deckhand.

"Yarr, I lost it in sword fight with a Royal Marine in Tartuga," said the captain.

"Woow. . . How'd you get your eye-patch?" asked the deckhand.

"Arr, a bird pooped in it," said the captain.

". . .And that made you lose your eye?"

"Well it was the first day with me hook."


Those are my pirate jokes. I apologize if you were offended by the steering wheel joke, but that offense is probably not going to make me stop telling it.