I'm training for the Halloween Half Marathon

Before this training started, the farthest I had ever ran in my life was 3 miles.

Then, on Monday, my friends said I should start running with them.

On Tuesday, I ran one mile.

On Wednesday, I ran two.

On Thursday, I ran four.

On Friday, I ran eight.

On Saturday, my legs exploded and I died in a pool of my own lactic acid.

I'll probably write a less hyperbolic story about this later.

Bet You Can't Find Him When He's Wearing Normal Clothes

I mean, could you imagine how much harder it'd be to spot this guy if he just dressed like this? The red and white kind of makes him stand out.

While I'm thinking about it, does the whole concept of Where's Waldo sound a little creepy to everyone else? A grown man wearing fruity clothes playing hide-n-seek with children? Anyone?

When People Ask Me Why I'm Not Dating Someone

Shark Week. . .

As you all know, the Olympics ended yesterday. But fortunately, another great staple of TV has started.  Shark Week. Shark. Effin.' Week.

It's a magical time when a team of marine biologists, engineers, filmmakers, and surf bums descend upon the oceans and do very reckless things in the name of science.

Here's some facts:

• 36 people have been killed in the U.S. by sharks since 1580.
• 5 people die from shark attacks every year world wide.
• The last fatal shark attack in the U.S. was in 2010.

And here are some things that are just as deadly as sharks.

• Mosquitos (655 thousand malaria deaths in 2010)

Mansquito

• Bees (53 allergic reaction deaths a year)

That was so fun, I feel compelled to include another bee gif.

• Dogs (31 deaths in the U.S. per year)

• Hot dogs (70 choking deaths a year)

• Jason (192 deaths in the Friday the 13th franchise)

Right-click -> Open link in new tab to enlarge

• Mickey Mouse (13 people have been killed by Disneyland since 1955)

• Vending machines (13 deaths annually)

• Sharktopus (6 people die in this trailer alone)

So remember, you have no reason to fear sharks.

Every Now and Then, YouTube, You're Okay

"Soulja Boy off in this oh
Watch me crank it, watch me rollWatch me crank dat, Soulja BoyThen Superman dat oh"

That's art, man.