Some Advanced Emoticons

Emoticons have become such an integral part of the Internet lexicon that it is now normal to assume that a person is a robot if they don't use them in their status updates and text messages.  Consider the following texting conversation:

 

Girl:  Hey!  How r u doin? : P

 

Guy: I am doing pretty good.  How are you?

 

Girl:  Whats wrong? :(

 

Guy: Nothing's wrong.  I'm just fine.

 

Girl:  U dont have to hide from me :)

 

Guy:  I'm not hiding anything.  Why do you think I'm depressed?

 

Girl:  Because ur not smiling!

 

Guy:  I'm just using normal grammar.

 

Girl:  ur not using any ! marks either!

 

Guy:  They're called exclamation marks, and you aren't supposed to use them except in exclamations.

 

Girl:  R u some kind of grammar robot? o_O

 

And the girl thought the guy was some sort of grammar robot from that day forward. . . .

 

Guys, it you ever want to date girls that say "how r u doing?" in text messages, you will need to learn to use emoticons in your daily communications.

 

The problem that I have with emoticons, however, is that the same old emotes get old really quick.

 

So, without further ado, I would like to submit to you some more advanced emoticons that you can use to spice up your electronic communication in the event of more specific situations.

  <:-I

"I'm at a party right now and can't be bothered by your communications."

  "<:-)

"I'm at a party right now and am about to realize that my party hat is a baby alligator and can't be bothered by your communications."

  --n---n-"< o_O

"I am so busy staring at your social gaffe that I am completely oblivious to the large crocodile that is about to eat me."

  :-O &

"I just discovered that I have a tapeworm! :("

  OE:-(

"I am sad right now because an octopus is on my head."

  :^[>

"I was lying to you about being a vampire with a goatee.  My nose grows."

  $__$

"I've spent so much time studying finance that all I can see is bond valuations."

  I0-(

"Cyclops appears to be upset because he has a unibrow and doesn't have the brain power to realize that he should only have one eyebrow anyway."

  >I0-)

"We gave cyclops a party hat and he put it on upside down!  Oh well, at least it made him happy."

                M

  >I0-O  :0

             W

"Aah!  Cyclops is now eating my best friend."

  Q:-[

"Davy Crockett was a fetchin' vampire!"

  *@:-0

"The Elvis impersonator's hair is on fire."

Now your emoticon party will be much more exciting!

You Got Jimmered!!

It all started with a letter to BYU's campus paper, The Daily Universe:

Letter: Idol worship

Mon, 02/07/2011 - 21:02

"I cant walk across campus without hearing Jimmer Fredettes name a dozen times. His name comes up everywhere: in class, at work, during lunch really, people? Cut it out with the Jimmer worship. Last time I checked, idol worship was very much frowned upon in the scriptures. Dont you have a life to live? Then quit wasting it in front of the TV or in lines at the Marriott Center. At the very least, stop trying to convert those of us who dont follow BYU sports and dont care that baseball and badminton are two different things. Pushing basketball on us isnt going to make us like it any better.

Im not blaming Jimmer for all this; was it Nephis fault in the Book of Mormon when his brothers worshiped him? As far as Im concerned, Jimmer is perfectly free to live his dreams. If he reaches his goals and lives his dreams, more power to him. I would like the same courtesy from his fans: let me live my own dreams in peace, even if they dont include ever sitting in the Marriott Center screaming my brains out.

Michelle

Apple Valley, Calif"

When I first read this, I didn't really think too much about it.  The Daily Universe gets loads of crazy letters to the editor from "shocked and appalled" BYU zoobies (everything from saying BYU shouldn't celebrate Halloween to criticism for using the word 'evolution' in a headline).  But oh did this get some sparks flying.

In case you've been living under a rock or, like Michelle, never follow sports; Jimmer Fredette is a senior at BYU who is currently the top scorer in the NCAA.  He sinks 3-pointers like a fat kid sinking toddlers' floatation devices.  He's kind of a big deal.

Michelle probably didn't think too much of her letter either.  But she made one critical error: she posted about it publicly on Facebook.


 

 Well, this opened quite the floodgate.

I want you to keep in mind that this is only a small sample of the comments that were posted.  Within 20 hours of Michelle's letter, she received over 500 comments.  Yes, you read that right.  You can read the page in its entirety here. 

Pretty quickly, the response to Michelle's letter went viral.  Everyone on campus is talking about it.  2 News in Utah did a bit on it in the evening news.  Even ESPN.com took notice.

What I find most ironic about all of this is how Michell's letter did the opposite of what she intended it to do.  Since it was published, 'Jimmer Worship' has been taken to a whole new level, and I think it's hilarious.



The reason the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness
is because they tried to find the limit of Jimmer's range.



Jimm-ception

"Must be in the sealed part. . . "



The Jimmer has touched MC Hammer.



Yes, Jimmer can make it from here.

 

He didn't even have to walk to Mordor.  Jimmer just chucked it from Rivendell.

"Let Jimmer garnish thy thoughts unceasingly. . ."



For being such a good sport, someone even extended an olive branch to Michelle:

This is what I love about BYU:  so far, no one has said anything profane, unintelligent or overtly mean spirited.  Instead, BYU has shown the web that we know how to have some good, clean fun. 

Good times.

Accountability Time

Given that we're a whole month into the new year, I figure it's time to give you an update on how I'm doing with my five new year's resolutions (which you can read about here).

Work out for 30 Minutes Three Times a Week -- A-

I'm doing pretty good with this one.  I've figured out my schedule so that I can make time for exercising on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I was worried that I wouldn't have time to do this because of my increasingly demanding studies, but I have figured out a solution that I will get to later.

I gave myself an A-minus because of the hardcore fail so far in achieving my vision:

But did anyone really expect that to happen in one month?

Read The Book of Mormon in 100 Days -- A+ 

I am about 30 days into my challenge, and am currently slightly ahead of schedule (Mosiah 13, page 172).  I'm pretty happy about that.  I haven't yet set aside a consistent time to read everyday, so I often find myself reading in between classes and during lunch.

I give myself extra credit for having a special highlighting system for this read.  Right before I started, I picked up a blank, hardcover copy of The Book of Mormon from the BYU Bookstore.  I decided that I would highlight the following:

• Any reference to Jesus Christ or God the Father (including pronouns) in Green
• Any communication from Heaven (angels, signs, prophets, voices, etc.) in Blue
• Anything mankind does to merit this communication (praying, showing faith, obeying commandments) in Red

By doing this, I've been able to find a lot of if/then statements throughout the BofM that I might of otherwise missed, such as the relationship between Lehi's prayers and his vision that is found in 1 Nephi chapter one.  I'll likely blog about this more in the future.

Earn at Least a B+ in All My Classes -- B (wait for it. . .) Plus

It's pretty hard to judge this one right now given that none of my grades have come out and that we haven't even gotten to midterms yet, but I can make a couple of observations.

I totally Jimmered my finance test with a 99percent, but I BYU-Football-at-the-start-of-last-seasoned'd my Business Grammar exam with a 77percent.  I heard later that the average for that test was 76.8 percent, so I at least beat the curve.

I've been able to do this by staying on campus from 9:30 AM to about 7:00 PM every day.  I'm even studying while exercising in the mornings (I seem to remember what I read better when I'm on an elliptical machine anyway).

Give at Least Five Compliments a Day -- C-

It's pretty hard to keep track of this, but if I were to estimate, I would say I'm averaging about 2-3 compliments a day--and that's being generous. 

Thing is, I don't want to become a person who gives out compliments just because I said that I need to give out compliments.  I want to do this so that I get better at seeing the good in others, and because I like to make people happy.

Cut Back on The Mormon Swears -- [What the] F!!!!

I still say fetch, fudge, eff, shiz, and the rest of the classics like a Sailor on basic cable.  I've realized that cutting back doesn't happen naturally, so I need to find some way to motivate myself.  I'm thinking that maybe I should get my roommate to punch me in the arm every time I say a Mormon cuss--a la 'Best Two Years.'  That could end poorly, but I can't think of any better ideas.

The Great Nacho Fail.

A while ago, my dad was cooking nachos.  He started out by carefully putting tortilla chips evenly spaced apart on a pan.

He then took out the Pace Picante Salsa from our refrigerator and applied a small spoonful of hot salsa to each and every tortilla chip.

After that, my dad got the modestly sharp cheddar cheese and liberally grated it over the nachos.

My dad then placed the pan of nachos inside our oven which had been preheated to 350-degrees Fahrenheit.

At this time, I was sitting on the couch watching TV, eagerly awaiting some fresh nachos.  Dad turned to me and said:

For those who can't read cursive, that says: "Son, go and fetch some fresh parsley from our garden, that we may garnish these fine nachos!"    (That's not a direct quote, by the way.)  

We actually do grow parsley in our garden.  Being the obedient boy I am, I went out into the garden and collected a few cloves of parsley.  As you know, parsley makes it fancy.

Anyway, I got back to the kitchen with the parsley right in time for the nachos to come out of the oven.  My dad started cutting the parsley into tiny bits to sprinkle on top of our late night delicacy.

Now, maybe my dad got cocky, or the sweet smell of melted cheese distracted him, but whatever the case is, he made a mistake while chopping the parsley.

My dad had accidentally sliced off about one-eighth of an inch off of the tip of his index finger.  It took him a couple of seconds to realize how freaky that was.

By the way, I was just wanted to clarify that I would have drawn fingers on my pictures if I wasn't using a laptop track pad.  So you get just the circle hands.  Don't complain, just imagine fingers on there, with one of them bleeding profusely.

Anyway, it was around this point that my then 12-year-old little brother entered the room.

My little brother then picked up the small chunk of finger that my dad lost.

At this point my dad took the small chunk and decided to go see a doctor.

True story.

UPDATE:  Almost immediately after posting, I realized that I was doing y'all a disfavor by not writing about what happens next.

My dad went to our neighborhood doctor.  He lives just a few streets away and had just gotten off-duty at the ER.

The doctor then told my dad to stick a bandage on his fingertip and just let it heal naturally.

Meanwhile, back home:

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?

Being the sci-fi nerd I am, I would probably travel to the future and oogle all sorts of jet-packs, spaceships, and talking robot eye thingys.
Second choice would easily be Renaissance Italy. I would go there and get art lessons from Michealangelo, Da Vinci, Botticelli, and the rest of the crew.

You can ask me anything you want: religion, politics, top 5's, etc.