What I'm Thankful For

I'm thinking of making this a yearly tradition for my blog.  Since I didn't join the trend on Facebook, here's a list of 30 things I'm Thankful for:

1. I'm thankful that I haven't been involved in a car accident yet.  I fear for my life every single time I walk to campus.
2. That we haven't had a serious snowstorm yet here.  One thing that always makes my morning walk to school more hazardous is the complete loss of traction.
3. My ward.
4. My awesome bishop.
5. Sunday nights spent chillin' with friends.
6. Sunday afternoon naps.
7. Redbox.
8. Nostalgic moments.
9. The Lovesac in our apartment. 
10. Roommates that let me eat their leftover pizza.
11. Roommates that do the dishes.
12. That the people living below us decided to stop shooting their potato gun.
13. Puppies and kittens.
14. Tuesday Devotionals at BYU.
15. The guy who came to BYU dressed as the Sexy Sax Man for Halloween.
16. Professors that remember what it's like to be a student.
17. People on Facebook that aren't annoying.
18. The triumphant return of the XXL Chalupa at Taco Bell.
19. The fact that I have never broken a bone.
20. The feeling I get when I submit a school paper.
21. When I meet someone and they tell me that they love my blog.  It makes me feel famous.
22. Girls that still believe they can be attractive without dressing like sluts.
23. Couples that keep their PDA to a minimum.
24. That President Monson and the rest of the brethren decided not to hammer the young men to get married at the last General Conference.
25. The fact that I haven't pulled any all nighters yet.
26. I'm thankful that Maxibus the Man Van is still running. It was most recently nicknamed "Chester the Molester." 
27. Grandmother's pie. We enjoy about 12 of these gifts of heaven every Thanksgiving.
28. My mom's homemade rolls.
29. That moment at Thanksgiving when a family member says something that makes the rest of us laugh like hyenas for five minutes straight.
30. Everyone that reads, comments, or follows this blog.  Y'all rock!

P.S.You know what? It just doesn't feel right to post something on my blog anymore without a picture.  So here's a photo I found that I'll post for your enjoyment:

Pirate Jokes

Wow, I'm been really bad at updating lately.  It's not that I've forgotten about the blog, it's just that I've been really lazy lately. Ha.  I've also gotten a bit of a writer's block right now.

So in the interest of keeping something up on this blog, I'm going to post some of my favorite pirate related jokes. You have to read these in your best pirate voice in order to make it fun:

What's a pirate's favorite consonant?
Aarrr!

What's a pirate's favorite vowel?
Aaaarrrr!!

Since when did vowels become consonants?
Because they AAaaaaarrrrrr!

What's a pirate's favorite pattern?
Aarrgyle!

Favorite fast food place?
Aaarrrby's!

Favorite state?
AAaaarrrrrrrkansas!

Favorite movie rating?
AAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr. . . . . . . . . . .PG-13!

What's a pirate's favorite place to shop?

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs. The bartender looks up and says, "Why do you have a steering wheel between your legs?"
"Yaarr, I don't know. . . but it be drivin' me nuts!"


Once there was a magician on a pirate ship who would perform magic tricks for the crew. At the back of the audience, the pirate captain would stand with his parrot on his shoulder. Every time the magician would perform a trick, the parrot would squawk, "It's in his sleeve, SQUAWK!" "There's a trapdoor, SQUAWK!" "I know how he did it, SQUAWK!"

This squawking throughout the show ruined the magician's performance.  So that night, the magician decided to sneak into the captain's quarters and shoot the parrot with a pistol.

The magician shot the pistol, missed the parrot, and hit a barrel of gunpowder - blowing the whole ship to bits, killing everyone but the parrot and the magician, who were left to drift in the middle of the ocean on pieces of drift wood.

The parrot looked around, then looked at the pirate and said, "Alright, I give up, where'd you put the dang boat?"


A deckhand was out looking for a crew to join. He climbed aboard a pirate ship and saw the scariest-looking pirate captain he'd ever seen. The captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch.

"Wow, you're the scariest pirate I've ever seen! How'd you get your peg leg?" asked the deckhand.

"Yaar, a crocodile bit it off in the Florida Keys," replied the captain.

"Oh wow. . .How'd you get the hook?" asked the deckhand.

"Yarr, I lost it in sword fight with a Royal Marine in Tartuga," said the captain.

"Woow. . . How'd you get your eye-patch?" asked the deckhand.

"Arr, a bird pooped in it," said the captain.

". . .And that made you lose your eye?"

"Well it was the first day with me hook."


Those are my pirate jokes. I apologize if you were offended by the steering wheel joke, but that offense is probably not going to make me stop telling it.

11/11/11, Dang it!

About a month ago, I was chatting with my friends around our kitchen table when we noticed that our TV kept advertising things that were going to be released on 11/11/11, as if the date had some sort of mystical power that would magically make people do stuff.  The ad would talk about the product and stuff, and then in BIG BOLD numbers show the release date.  Sometimes, as is the case with all those ads for "The Immortals," the date is more important than the movie.

Don't believe me?  See for yourself:

"On 11/11/11 . . ."

". . . A film so violent. . ."

". . . that we can only show it to you. . ."

"In very."

"short."

"clips."

"IMMORTALS"

"premiering on 11 MOTHER 11 FREAKING 11."

Also; 11/11/11 also saw the release of Skyrim, Harry Potter 7.2 on DVD,  the Droid Razr, Lego Harry Potter, and 11-11-11--the movie (seriously, look it up).

Anyway, it was during this time that I had this thought:  if you were to make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11, it would be the most amazing thing ever and it would almost certainly come true.



One month later, on 11/11/11

What I Know About Texting

So I've been thinking a lot about the way I come across when I'm texting others, and I've come to the following conclusion: I hate texting.  I'm really bad at it.  But I am trying to learn how to be a better texter. Over the last few months, I have learned some helpful hints that I would like to share with you:

1.) The Short Text Problem.
Example Text: "Thats okay"
What the girl is thinking: "Ohmygosh he's being so rude and short with me!"
What the reality probably is: The dude is probably in the middle of something important (to him, at least), and probably doesn't have time to send out a longer text with proper punctuation.
How to prevent this problem: "Thats okay :)" 


Now everyone is as happy as the punctuation at the end of that message.

2.) Finding Hidden Meanings in a Text
Example: When someone starts their text with the word 'hey,' you can learn a lot from the way they misspell it.

For the record, a similar curve seems to exists for the ratio of texts to smiley faces a person sends.

3.) Other Advanced Uses of Emoticons

-[8l]  "Everyday I'm Shufflin'"

(V) (;,,;) (V)  "Need a new emoticon?  Why not Zoidberg?"

d:-) >  "Sup,' bro?"  (Note the cap and popped collar)

(:    "This smiley is upside-down.  This is how I communicate with people from Australia."

=)   "This smiley has big cute eyes.  It makes my text that much more expressive."

(^<  "Quack."

          "I'm a whale!"   (Note: apparently this only works on an iPhone) (Note 2: this fad died out three months ago.)







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