Use the Stairs

As someone who lives on the fifth floor, I felt like this needed to be said.

I Drive a Pedovan

...........................

My friends think its a hilarious name. Blind dates. . . not so much.

I'm training for the Halloween Half Marathon

Before this training started, the farthest I had ever ran in my life was 3 miles.

Then, on Monday, my friends said I should start running with them.

On Tuesday, I ran one mile.

On Wednesday, I ran two.

On Thursday, I ran four.

On Friday, I ran eight.

On Saturday, my legs exploded and I died in a pool of my own lactic acid.

I'll probably write a less hyperbolic story about this later.

Bet You Can't Find Him When He's Wearing Normal Clothes

I mean, could you imagine how much harder it'd be to spot this guy if he just dressed like this? The red and white kind of makes him stand out.

While I'm thinking about it, does the whole concept of Where's Waldo sound a little creepy to everyone else? A grown man wearing fruity clothes playing hide-n-seek with children? Anyone?

When People Ask Me Why I'm Not Dating Someone