There's nothing quite like writing on the laptop while sitting next to a warm fireplace. I do love being home for the holidays. Because of the mission, I haven't been home for Christmas since 2007. I remember I got a couple of pretty cool presents that year, but my most memorable one from recent memory came last year.
As a missionary, Christmas can be kind of hard. You're away from home, friends and family. You'll spend it with your companion and any local church members kind enough to have you come over for the holidays. The bright spot is that it is one of two days a year that you're allowed to call your family.
Anyway, I was serving in Jonesboro, Arkansas at the time. I had been a missionary for around 15 months and had actually spent more time in Jonesboro than all my other areas combined, so I knew the members of the church there pretty well and was looking forward to having a good Christmas with them. I really hadn't told my parents what I wanted for Christmas since there wasn't really anything a missionary really needs or is able to use (nearly all electronics are banned for us). Besides, I think my parents already knew what to get me...
.......ties....
Ties are like the only part of a missionary's wardrobe that they get to switch up, so collecting ties became a fetish for me. In fact, by the end of my mission, I had earned a reputation for having one of the best tie collections of any person in the field (I think I maxed out at 130 ties. I've since cut back to around 80 right now).
This is a portion of my collection midway through the mission. I always had the people who gave me ties sign the back of them, so they've become a wearable scrapbook of sorts.
These are two ties that I actually made myself with the help of a local ward member in Jonesboro.
Anyway, when Christmas came, I found many thoughtful gifts for both me and my companion--CD's, pens, stamps, dollar store toys, cash. In all seriousness, those really are good gifts for missionaries. Music is awesome for study sessions and car trips. A nice pen writes much smoother and neater than the cheap ones. Stamps let missionaries write people at home, since we can't call them. We don't really have time to use anything else. Of course, I had a few ties as well. One in particular really caught my eye. It looked strangely familiar....
Flash back to October. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints just finished their semi-annual General Conference. The leadership of the church addresses us with spiritual messages and counsel for our time. Watching General Conference is one of the best ways for people to get to know what our church is all about, and as a missionary, it was kind of like our Superbowl.
The following week, I was writing my weekly email to my family. I was talking about some of my thoughts from General Conference. "I really enjoyed Elder Holland's talk on the Book of Mormon," "Elder Packer sure is getting old," "the choir sang some really beautiful numbers." And in a throwaway comment, I said, "and Elder Yoon Hwan Choi wore the best tie of the conference." For real, though; most of the leadership of the church wears very conservative ties. President Utchdorf will frequently wear some nice ones, but Elder Choi's was probably the prettiest tie I had seen in General Conference--ever.
You probably can't tell from the picture, but his tie has got some really cool designs in the pink spaces. The color scheme is works really well with the white shirt.
Flash forward back to Christmas morning. I was looking at a red tie with pink and white stripes on it that had a striking resemblance to Elder Choi's.
I would later find out that my mom had searched just about every department store in Utah looking for Elder Choi's tie. She couldn't find an exact match (after all, he is from Korea and probably gets his ties from Korea), but she came pretty darn close.
Did I really need another tie? No; you can tell that just from the first picture I shared in this post. But my mom knew that I kind of had a weird tie fetish and she really wanted to make me happy. I will never forget that gesture of kindness that she did for me. That's what the Christmas spirit is all about--loving kindness. I pray that I may always remember that.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind the change of pace from my normally light hearted comments. But hey, it is my blog and I have said from day one that religion plays a large role in my life and will play a large role in here.
Here's a link to the most recent General Conference of the LDS church: http://bit.ly/fHxK7h
And here's a link to Elder Yoon Hwan Choi's October 2009 Conference talk--it's a real good one: http://bit.ly/i6qkML
Well, I'm back in my hometown of Farmington, UT for the holidays. It was a beast to get up here Friday evening with the packing, the cleaning of the apartment for cleaning checks, and getting ready to move into a new apartment (it'll be in the same complex, but on the fifth floor instead of the 3rd--I'll probably write more on that in a future post). The biggest problem was traffic. It took a full two hours instead of the normal one to get from Farmington to Provo. It was kind of a boring ride, being all alone in my car.
By the way, I haven't written about my car yet. Over the Thanksgiving break, my dad purchased a much needed new car, since the minivan is slowly dying. He got a brand new Nissan Pathfinder, which is significant for family reasons. My Grandpa on my mom's side lives in Tokyo and worked for Nissan for his entire life. Buying a brand new Nissan vehicle brings honor to the family on a level somewhere inbetween sending a kid to college and being elected mayor. Buying a Honda brings shame and dishonor. Buying an American car is...'meh.'
Anyway, this extra car allowed me to take one of two cars with me back to Provo--the dying minivan or the 97' Plymouth Breeze. I kind of wanted the Breeze, since it gets good gas mileage and has always been pretty reliable. It's the car I learned to drive in and is the car I drove throughout high school. We named the Breeze TLC--The Learning Car--since I usually had my 'learning-to-drive' moments in it.
This is what the Breeze looked like when it was new. Christmas tree green. This is closer to what it looks like now:
As worn out as the car was, it still had some good nostalgia attached to it; like the time I hit the gas instead of the brake inside of the garage, or the time I accidentally hit a mailbox during my junior year. FYI, I am a very safe driver now with a perfectly clean record, so please don't be scared of driving with me.
Well, it turns out that TLC's windshield wipers decided to stop working the day before I was going to take it back to Provo, and I can't drive a car without windshield wipers in the snow and rain that's been happening lately. So I ended up taking the minivan back to Provo.
It's a 1990-something white GMC Safari and has been servicing our family since before I was in sixth grade. The van has taken our family to Disneyland on many summer vacations. During the last trip, it died somewhere inbetween Las Vegas and St. George, which was one of the main indicators that it was time for a new van.
I wasn't too keen on picking up a vehicle that has a history of dying in the middle of the desert, but a ride's a ride. The Safari has got other issues as well. It's got Kool-Aid stains in the drink holders and smells like McDonald's french fries. It has the turning radius of the Titanic. The driver side window will not roll up if you roll it down, which makes drive-thru's awkward. I don't like having to open the door to talk to the order taking lady. Also, the trunk will slam on your head if you aren't watching it. Fortunately, my family keeps a pole in the back to prop the trunk door open when you need to.
I decided that in order to feel attached to the car, I need to name it. In all seriousness, the first name I was kind of partial to was Snooki. Here was my reasoning:
-It's trashy
-It's kind of wide and clumsy on the roads
-It's a party van
-I'm not a huge fan of it
-It has a short life-expectancy (too far? sorry)
-Someday, it will be legendary (in Provo)
But in the end, I settled for a more manly name--Maxibus the Man Van. Anytime I hear Maximus, I immediately think "Gladiator," which is a way cooler mental image than Snooki. Also, I think it's kind of clever. My roommate suggested we hook up a disco ball in the back and maybe get some sweet flame graphics on it. We shall see.
UPDATE: On January 9th, 2011, Maxibus the Man Van died in the Church parking lot; leaving my roommate and me stranded in Arctic-level temperatures. His fuel pump suffered from a failure to keep living. Maxibus has since recieved a donor pump from my parents and is on the quick road to recovery.
"My Other Ride is a Light Cycle" Hoodie
from: Threadless.com
I'd take anything from Threadless--the art they put on t-shirts is awesome. But this hoodie is pretty tight. It's based on the original 1982 Tron (see the trailer on YouTube for some laughs). The real kicker is that it actually glows in the dark! How obnoxiously awesome would that be to be wearing this while watching Tron: Legacy in theaters and have it glow in the dark the whole time?
I'm a little old for stuffed animals, but these are stuffed foods (and the fish is kinda like a stuffed animal, but much later, right?), but these are just so gosh darn cute. To quote a recent movie: "It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!"
Yes, Halloween has come and gone; I'm aware of that. But I have a secret desire to be a sign shaker for Taco Bell, and I think it would be totally awesome to do that while wearing this costume. When you couple that with my awesome dance moves, I think you'd have an embarrassing YouTube hit on your hands.
There are a lot of different shoes at ShoeBuy, but this one sticks out to me. I'm only 5'7". That was the average height for someone living during the Renaissance, but nowadays, that's kinda short. With these shoes, I add an entire four inches to my height! And that sole is so cleverly disguised that no one would ever know that I'm wearing platform shoes....right?
(note: In all seriousness: do not buy these shoes for me.)
So this little card showed up on our door the other day:
Just to be redundant, here's what the card says:
THE HOLIDAYPROVO
MAXIM
MANSION PARTY
10 ways to chase and be chaste
KISSING 101 that will keep you out of the Bishops office!
SECRETS to get her under the mistletoe ;)
PARTY
FRIDAY
12.10.2010
EPIC PRODUCTION
Club DJ of the Year
SHAWN PHILLIPS
Dress to Impress
Vegas Style
Free Egg Nog
NA Mixed Drinks
Picture with Santa's
Maxim Crew
White Chocolate Fountain
Now, maybe I'm an old fashioned prude, but I kind of found this invitation a bit...distasteful? Isn't Maxim the "Playboy Lite" gentleman's magazine? Why is it sponsoring a party targeted at BYU students?
I don't know, I kind of have a hard time with parties out here sometimes. For me, they usually fall into two categories with very little middle ground.
Category 1: The uber-Mormon party.
Music is provided by a live band in their later forties. The setlist is old folksy music that nobody but ballroom dancers know. Otherwise, the music is done by an EFY DJ and includes hits like The Hamster Dance, Alvin and the Chipmunks, every line dance ever, and the jazz song that plays in Chips Ahoy! commercials. Bouncers keep out guys who haven't shaved in over twelve hours and immodestly dressed girls. Dance Nazis make sure there is no suggestive dancing, potentially dangerous stunts, and that guys' hands are never allowed below a girl's shoulder blades during slow dances. Experience can best be described as being 12 again ("I knew learning the Electric Cowboy in elementary school would come in handy!").
Category 2: The Underground party.
Usually happens in a parking garage, creepy house, or back alleyway. There is a large selection of alcoholic drinks without alcohol in them. This includes pina coladas and margaritas. Decor is urban underground with rave-style lighting. Music is Top-40's, Hip-Hop, and Rap. Girls take this opportunity to wear their non-honor code approved apparel. Dance styles include the Bump and Grind, and that's about it, since there's very little room to do anything else. Experience can best be described as attempting to dance inside a can of sardines, and all the female sardines are half-naked.
Usually, if I want to get my dance on, I just turn on my iPod and dance when no one's watching. Anyone want to join me?
So anyone who has met me knows that I have the figure of a stick person, and anyone that knows me closely knows that I have weird eating habits. I tend to eat slow, but I can eat forever. I usually eat whatever I want, as often as I want, whenever I want. That's the benefit of having a metabolism as fast as a greased cheetah strapped to a rocket and set on fire while being chased by ninjas.
Also, working at a fast food restaurant has only compounded my appetite for ridiculously bad-for-you food. For example, one of the things that we created during some downtime at Taco Bell was something called the Chillupa. So what you do is you take a regular deep fried chalupa shell, and then you go next door to Sugar and Spice--the dessert/ice cream stop--and fill the shell with ice cream, syrup, and then toppings. So what you end up with is this ice cream taco thingy that's awesome. We also experimented with deep frying Grilled Stuff Burritos (which already had around 700 calories to begin with). That was so amazing, I could feel my heart yelling at me by the time I had gotten halfway through it.
Basically, I have two diet rules. First off; stick to the three F's--Fast, Frozen, and Fried. Secondly; if there is a less healthy option, take it. I don't care what MSG is--if it makes my food taste better, I'm all for it. Side note: if our nation decides to start banning Happy Meals and fatty foods, I think that means the terrorists have won.
I was particularly excited when I got my mission call to the south, since I heard that Southern cooking is really bad for you. I got even more excited when I heard that the average weight gain for missionaries in my mission was in the neighborhood of 40 pounds (probably the only missionary ever excited to hear that).
Eventually, I found my way to Beale Street in Memphis on a preparation day. We ate at a place called Dyer's Burgers. Its big claim to fame was that it hasn't changed its cooking oil since it opened during the Woodrow Wilson administration (1912!). In fact, the oil is so valuable, an armed police escort guards it when it moves locations. Also, they deep fry their hamburgers. Dyer's doesn't believe in worthless filler like lettuce or tomatoes; they only want to serve the greasiest food in America. Dyer's and I think alike.
Anyway, towards the end of the meal, my companion said we should try the deep-fried twinkies that are served here. "Heckyeswedo!!" I said. I was really excited. The deep fried twinkie is like the mythical unicorn in my food world. Up to this point in time, I had only heard of its existence, and I had been a missionary for a full 18 months before I had gotten to this point.
"Hey kids, eat my insides!"
We ordered two to split between our group of five. When the server brought the twinkies out on a platter a few minutes later, I beheld what looked like something I had seen in one of those anti-tobacco commercials ("this is what the pancreas of a life-long smoker looks like...").
Maybe someday in the future, my own organs might look something like that, and then there will be commercials that that warn small children not to follow my example by having doctors in rubber gloves squeeze cream filling out of my gallbladder during Saturday morning cartoon commercial breaks. Anyway, the twinkie pictured above is coated in raspberry sauce and powdered sugar, and it tastes much, much better than it looks. If I had to describe it, I would say it's like a fresh crispy cream doughnut that was specially cooked just for you by Paula Deen.
You know, as I was looking back on all the photos (+ video) I've inserted into this entry so far, I've realized that anyone reading this might actually be losing their appetite. My apologies if that is the case.
Anywho, I eventually started getting the deep fried twinkie craving again towards the end of my mission, but there wasn't any places nearby that actually sold them. That meant that I had no choice but to actually attempt to cook them myself.
It took a few attempts, several sacrificial twinkies, and a small fire that had to be put out, but eventually, my companion and I cooked what you see below.
It's coated in brown sugar because powdered sugar was not available. Anyway, since that time, I've been refining and improving the twinkie recipe. And I have to say, it's gotten pretty darn good (and it looks better than the picture above). Here's the current recipe:
6 twinkies
1 cup flour
1 cup milk
1 cup baking soda
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon oil
flour for dusting
toppings
-Freeze the twinkies for a little while (probably at least an hour or more)
-Heat up some oil in a pan or deep fryer to a medium heat.
-Mix the flour, milk, baking soda, powdered sugar, and oil in a bowl so that you have a nice gooey batter.
-Coat the twinkies in flour (to help the batter stick), and then roll them in the batter. If you like, you could stick Popsicle sticks in the twinkies so that you have a fun little handle.
-Deep fry the twinkies. You'll likely only be able to fry one or two at a time. Watch carefully, because they will burn quickly if your not careful. Leave in fryer until batter has turned golden brown.
-Allow twinkies to dry and cool.
-At this point, you can spice up the twinkies by adding whatever toppings you would like. Some of my favorites have included whipped cream, powdered sugar, jam, raspberry sauce, caramel, and chocolate sauce.
The twinkies are really good, but also very heavy. You'll likely only need to eat one in order to get your desert fix.
P.S. So I was writing this post while I was on Thanksgiving break up in Farmington. Towards the end of the break, my mom, being the Primary President in my home ward, asked me to be an emergency Sunday School substitute for the 12 year old class of kids only a few minutes before their class started. She told me the lesson was on Daniel, chapter one. Or more specifically, how Daniel and his friends became much healthier than their Babylonian captors in just ten days solely because they ate healthy food, while the Babylonians didn't.
I felt very hypocritical, especially right after writing down this blog post.
But I didn't feel guilty enough to change my eating habits (had XXL Chalupa for lunch today, in fact). Haha
P.P.S. I do exercise daily. I don't plan on growing up to be the blob that eats everyone.
