Strikes Wth the Stars + Tests and Stairs

Editor's Note: I'm totally OCD  and noticed that this post didn't have a thumbnail on my sidebar, so I'm putting this photo at the top of this blogpost solely because I want this post to come with a thumbnail.

Enjoy.
Photo credit goes to Mike Stimpson.

Note2: The sidebar still isn't showing a thumbnail.  [Mormon curses under breath]


Strikes With the Stars

So just the other day, my roommate and I went bowling with a few other friends late at night, and we saw this guy just a couple of lanes away from us:



His name is Stephen Jones.  He's a BYU graduate, former Cosmo the Cougar, president of Humor U (the BYU stand-up comedy club), and the man your grades could be like. 

We stared at him like a group of pre-pubescent girls staring at Zac Efron.  We thought that if we stared long enough, then maybe he'd do something funny.  Turns out he dances right before he rolls the bowling ball. 

I wanted to get his autograph.

Here's another video of Stephen Jones at Humor U:



By the way, I bowled a 132, which is like the best I've ever bowled.  Weird coincidence: anytime Justin Bieber music was playing, everyone in our group bowled spares and strikes.  Maybe we should call it the Belieber Effect.


Tests and Stairs

I recently had to take a test for Information Systems 201.  I spent the morning exercising and studying simultaneously in our apartment complex's clubhouse.  I was using the stationary bicycle machine while reading my notes and memorizing key terms.  Pathetic, I know.  After I finished, I ran back up to the fifth floor of our building, which is where our apartment is located.  I always run up the stairs after a workout to keep the juices flowing.  Then I took a shower and got my stuff together and drove to campus.

By the way, it was snowing a lot the whole day.  Anyways, I parked at the bottom of the Richards Building, which meant I had to climb even more stairs to get to the testing center.  Here's a diagram showing the relative height of this staircase:

By the way, that ain't the Las Vegas Statue of Liberty--that's the effin' New York Statue of Liberty.  But I was all like "I just spent the last 40 minutes on a stationary bicycle on level 7--I'm going to run up all the stairs!"

So I ran up all the RB stairs, feeling only moderately winded and very proud of myself when I got to the top. I then walked into the testing center, right up to the main desk and talked to the lady there.

Me: My name is Jacob Low.  I'm here to take the I Sys 201 test.

Test Girl: Okay, do you have your student ID card?

I reached for my wallet, only to find that it wasn't there.  I checked my other pocket, and it wasn't there either.  I ran my fingers over the rest of my pockets, feeling the lumps to see if any of them resembled my wallet. 

Nope.

Me: (with shame)  I don't have my student ID card.

Test Girl: Okay.  Do you have your driver's license?

Me: (timidly) I forgot my wallet.

The girl starts talking to me like I'm a freshman whose never taken a test at the testing center before.

Test Girl: Well we need a photo ID in order to give you your test.

At this point, I've become well aware of the students waiting in line behind me for their tests.  Their laser-beam dagger stares drill into my back.  I start to talk in short, one-word statements in order to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

Me: Um, I just leave now.

Test Girl: You can go to the SWKT and print off your student report and we'll accept that.

Me: K

Test Girl: We just need a photo ID to give you your test.

Me: Alright.

Test Girl: So once you get that printed, you can come back.

Me: bye.

By this point, I'm already slowly walking backwards.  I leave the testing center in shame.  I start to head for the SWKT (Spencer W. Kimball Tower).  I got about halfway there when I have a revelation.  When you send a print job from the computer to the printer, you have to swipe your student ID card!!

I pause and think for a second.  I remember some public printing labs at the Wilkinson Student Center.  Maybe those don't require an ID card. 

I start heading for the Wilk.  I get halfway there when I have another revelation. You still have to pay money to print stuff.  My wallet is at home.

So maybe I could beg someone for 15 cents, or borrow someone's ID card, or ask the information desk if I can find a place to print something for absolutely free.

In the end, I decided against all those simply chose to go back to my apartment to get my wallet.  I'm kind of stressed, because I have a lot of homework to get done this weekend and I don't want to do any homework on Sunday and I want to watch the BYU v. SDSU game, which is starting in like 20 minutes at this point, and all the information I spent all morning cramming into my brain is slowly leaking out of my ears, and I'm in a desperate need of a haircut, and, and, and. . . .

My thoughts turn into run-on sentences when I'm stressed.

So I turn around and start jogging back.  I jog down the bottomless RB stairs, and then to my car.  When I get back to my apartment building, I run up all five flights of stairs.  By now I'm stressed and legitimately tired.  I get back inside my apartment--out of breath--and grab my wallet.  My roommate reminds me that the BYU game starts in 15 minutes.

I run back down all 5 flights of stairs (the elevator is way too slow), run to my car, and then drive back to the parking lot in front of the Richards Building. 

I get to the bottom of the RB stairs.

Yes.  Yes I am.  And by the way, the testing center always has ominous clouds hovering over it like Mordor.  Or Gannondorf's tower from Ocarina of Time.

So by the time I reach the top of the stairs, I am absolutely exhausted.  I feel like I've climbed the Empire State Building twice.  And any thoughts of information systems have been blocked by the lactic acid that is clogging all my neurons.

When I walk inside of the testing center, I'm secretly dreading the chances of having to talk to the same person at the main desk.  Fortunately, someone else appears to have taken her spot.  I hand her my student ID card and finally get my information systems test. 

After about an hour of scrapping all of the information out of my brain while fighting the want to collapse, I finished the 75-question, 145-point test.

I got a 91 percent on it.

I felt like crying for joy.  I was so happy, I felt like this guy:

^Make sure to watch this with closed captioning so that you can read the lyrics.

I even made it back in time to see the last 15 minutes of the game and watch Jimmer and the Cougs beat SDSU by 13 again.  That was definitely a highlight of my week.

The moral of the story?  Can't really think of a good one, so we'll just go with this one:

"An Elephant Never Forgets."

P.S.  I was informed later in the day that I could have parked right next to the testing center and could have therefore avoided the RB stairs.  I told them to shut up.