Friday, February 25, 2011

Storms, Sirens, and Prophets

I've been assigned to give a talk in my home stake in Farmington (a stake is a collection of 10-12 congregations in the LDS church, FYI).  Since I'm a recently returned missionary, I was told that I would be asked to speak a couple of times in a couple different congregations.  The high councilor who called me with the assignment told me that my topic was "using agency to change our very natures." 

"Huh?"  I said.

"Yeah, that was my reaction when I heard the topic, too," he replied.

Well, that call was a couple of weeks ago, and my talk is going to be on the 27th.  I'm still not sure what I'm going to talk about, so I think I'll brainstorm some thoughts on here.

For the uninitiated, agency, in the LDS sense of the term, is our ability to choose  between good and evil.  It is a gift that every person is born with, and is something that is so important to God that he has never put a limit on it.  In other words, God has given us commandments and laws, but he will not stop us from choosing to break them.

Of course, even though we are free to choose to do whatever we want, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.  For example, Jonah was commanded to go preach the Gospel to the people of Ninevah and command them to repent.  He chose to turn tail and flee to Tarshish (which is believed to be present-day Spain, which is as far in the opposite direction as you could go at the time).  It was Jonah's right to choose to do that.

As a consequence of his poor decision, Jonah was swallowed by a whale and had to live for three days in the whale's digestive tract.  It was only after he was brought to the depths of humility and repentance that Jonah was spared and given another chance to make the right decision.


One of the biggest ironies of our agency comes from the way we choose to use it.  In the Book of Mormon, we read of some of the consequences of sin:

". . .he [the devil] leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth
them with his strong chords forever." --2 Nephi 26:22

"And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security
that they will say:  All is well in Zion--and thus the devil cheateth their souls,
and leadeth them carefully down to hell.
And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell;
 and. . . I am no devil, . . .and thus he whispereth in their ears,
until he grasps them with his awful chains from whence there is no deliverance." --2 Nephi 28: 21-22

I love the imagery of these two scriptures.  Flax is a fine, golden material.  So when Nephi tells us that the devil leads us with a flaxen chord, he's saying that the devil's temptations always start out soft and appetizing in appearance.  And then these cords eventually turn into stronger chords and then into awful chains.

So, let's consider a  person who had made poor choices their entire life.  Let's say this person didn't study very much in school and started to hang out with a rough crowd.  Eventually, this person dropped out before graduation.  One thing led to another, and pretty soon this person was involved with drug addiction and started having problems with the law.  I could keep on going with this example until this person meets their bitter end, but I think you get the idea.

Sadly, I've met many people like this.  Sometimes they're aware of the misery of the situation they're in; other times, they still think they're on a never-ending joy ride, blissfully unaware that they're actually on a train that about to run out of tracks.

With each bad choice, our options become more limited. How much freedom does a drug addict without a job have?  It's truly appropriate to say that they have become bound with the 'awful chains' of the devil. 

Like I said earlier, on of the greatest ironies of agency comes from when our choice is to simply give it away.

Contrast that with someone at the other end of the spectrum.  When you study hard, get good grades, and finish school, multiple colleges will want to have you.  From there, you can pick your major, find a good job, meet the right person, etc.  So with each good choice, our freedom increases.

Alright, now that I've preached to you, let's move on to a story from my mission:

I remember almost a year ago, I was a missionary in the Walnut Grove area, which is a street in the eastern subdivision of Memphis, TN (Cordova, to be exact).  The area is on the wealthier, whiter side of Memphis and is famous for having the school where "The Blind Side" takes place.


Briarcrest Christian Academy: the real home of Michael Oher
of "The Blind Side" fame

Our lovely apartment complex.


Me, in the Walnut Grove area.  I wish I could say that
we rode in that vehicle.
All of us missionaries had been warned for several months that tornado season was coming up, so be extra cautious.  We were given packets on what to do in case of a tornado and told what the warning signs were.  My mission president's wife warned us that if we went out of our way to get a picture of a tornado, she'd kill us.

Well, one night, my companion and I woke up at 2 AM to the sound of tornado sirens going off.  We got out of bed and went straight to our balcony to see what was going on.  It was a little windy, but nothing catastrophic was happening.  There were a few other people in the surrounding apartments who were also on their balconies, but none of them were panicking.

My companion and I looked at each other.  We didn't know what to do.  Missionaries aren't allowed to watch TV or listen to the radio, so we had neither in our apartment, so we were clueless whether or not we should take this alarm seriously. Our options were:
  •  Call a member of the congregation and ask them to check the TV for us
  • Stay up and see if conditions worsen
  • Run to Wal-Mart and get food
  • Hide in the bath tub
  • Go back to sleep
In the end, we decided to go back to sleep.

Shortly after we woke up, the sirens started going off again.  This time, we felt comfortable calling someone and asking them what was going on.  We were informed that the sirens in Memphis are set up so that whenever a tornado goes off anywhere in the county, all the sirens in the county start sounding.  At the moment, the sirens were for a tornado that was several miles away and didn't pose any danger.

We breathed a little bit easier.  But now the wind outside had been replaced by a downpour of rain.  Here's a video of some of the action:


The tornado sirens continued to go on and off for the remainder of the day.  Sometimes, the sirens would last for up to two hours.  Every time they went off, we would find out where the tornado was, and every time we found out that the tornado was several miles away and posed no threat to us.  But because of the rain, we were stuck in our apartmet for most of the day, and the sirens started driving me insane.  I eventually just started to tune them out. 

When I finally went to bed, the sirens were still going off.

The next day was Sunday.  When we went to church, we discovered that a tornado had ripped right through Germantown Parkway--which was only a couple miles south of us--at around 3 AM.  The sirens had gone off, but I had slept right through them!  I repeat: I slept through a tornado siren as well as an actual tornado!

It was the first Sunday of the month, so we had a testimony meeting.  One of the members talked about how their day went yesterday.  It was pretty similar to ours: lots of tornado sirens, a run to Wal-Mart to get supplies, eventually tuning out the sirens, etc.

When this guy went to sleep, he had an interesting dream.  He dreamed that the sirens were still going off, but the sound was replaced by the prophet's voice.  He could hear Thomas S. Monson on the giant speakers all across the city saying over and over things like this:

"Keep a supply of food storage. . . Keep a supply of food storage. . ."
"Do your home teaching. . . Do your home teaching. . . Do your. . ."
"Read the Scriptures. . . Read the Scriptures. . . Read the Scriptures. . "

Sometimes, we wonder why the brethren ask us to do the same things over and over.  I remember one time my little brother said how annoyed he was that he had heard three sermons on the evils of pornography in the last month.  "I'm so sick of hearing about it! I get it!" he said.  My dad replied that the reason we keep hearing about it is because many people in the church aren't listening--so we're going to keep hearing about it until they do.

Prophets, scriptures, personal revelation.  All these things are sirens to help guide us in the storms of life.  But none of them can ever force a person to change their behavior.  A change in our nature has to come from within; from the proper exercise of agency. 

Does that mean that preaching the Gospel to those who are bound is a waste of time?  No, of course not!  Quite the opposite.  The only thing that can cut those awful chains that bind us and keep us from heeding the sirens of our day is the healing power of the atonement.  This is the reason that Lehi councils Laman and Lemuel to "awake! and cast off the chains that bind you."  He was hoping that something he was saying would sink into his sons' rebellious hearts and awaken something in them.  Sometimes in the scriptures we see this work.  Other times it doesn't.  But there is always hope that we can change our future by coming to Christ.

That's why prophets, apostles, bishops and missionaries keep saying the same thing over and over and over again.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Some Advanced Emoticons

Emoticons have become such an integral part of the Internet lexicon that it is now normal to assume that a person is a robot if they don't use them in their status updates and text messages.  Consider the following texting conversation:

 
Girl:  Hey!  How r u doin? : P

 
Guy: I am doing pretty good.  How are you?

 
Girl:  Whats wrong? :(

 
Guy: Nothing's wrong.  I'm just fine.

 
Girl:  U dont have to hide from me :)

 
Guy:  I'm not hiding anything.  Why do you think I'm depressed?

 
Girl:  Because ur not smiling!

 
Guy:  I'm just using normal grammar.

 
Girl:  ur not using any ! marks either!

 
Guy:  They're called exclamation marks, and you aren't supposed to use them except in exclamations.

 
Girl:  R u some kind of grammar robot? o_O

 
And the girl thought the guy was some sort of grammar robot from that day forward. . . .

 
Guys, it you ever want to date girls that say "how r u doing?" in text messages, you will need to learn to use emoticons in your daily communications.

 
The problem that I have with emoticons, however, is that the same old emotes get old really quick.

 



So, without further ado, I would like to submit to you some more advanced emoticons that you can use to spice up your electronic communication in the event of more specific situations.

  <:-I
"I'm at a party right now and can't be bothered by your communications."

  "<:-)
"I'm at a party right now and am about to realize that my party hat is a baby alligator and can't be bothered by your communications."

  --n---n-"< o_O
"I am so busy staring at your social gaffe that I am completely oblivious to the large crocodile that is about to eat me."

  :-O &
"I just discovered that I have a tapeworm! :("

  OE:-(
"I am sad right now because an octopus is on my head."

  :^[>
"I was lying to you about being a vampire with a goatee.  My nose grows."

  $__$
"I've spent so much time studying finance that all I can see is bond valuations."

  I0-(
"Cyclops appears to be upset because he has a unibrow and doesn't have the brain power to realize that he should only have one eyebrow anyway."

  >I0-)
"We gave cyclops a party hat and he put it on upside down!  Oh well, at least it made him happy."

                M
  >I0-O  :0
             W
"Aah!  Cyclops is now eating my best friend."

  Q:-[
"Davy Crockett was a fetchin' vampire!"

  *@:-0
"The Elvis impersonator's hair is on fire."

Now your emoticon party will be much more exciting!


Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Got Jimmered!!

It all started with a letter to BYU's campus paper, The Daily Universe:

Letter: Idol worship
Mon, 02/07/2011 - 21:02

"I cant walk across campus without hearing Jimmer Fredettes name a dozen times. His name comes up everywhere: in class, at work, during lunch really, people? Cut it out with the Jimmer worship. Last time I checked, idol worship was very much frowned upon in the scriptures. Dont you have a life to live? Then quit wasting it in front of the TV or in lines at the Marriott Center. At the very least, stop trying to convert those of us who dont follow BYU sports and dont care that baseball and badminton are two different things. Pushing basketball on us isnt going to make us like it any better.
Im not blaming Jimmer for all this; was it Nephis fault in the Book of Mormon when his brothers worshiped him? As far as Im concerned, Jimmer is perfectly free to live his dreams. If he reaches his goals and lives his dreams, more power to him. I would like the same courtesy from his fans: let me live my own dreams in peace, even if they dont include ever sitting in the Marriott Center screaming my brains out.
Michelle
Apple Valley, Calif"

When I first read this, I didn't really think too much about it.  The Daily Universe gets loads of crazy letters to the editor from "shocked and appalled" BYU zoobies (everything from saying BYU shouldn't celebrate Halloween to criticism for using the word 'evolution' in a headline).  But oh did this get some sparks flying.

In case you've been living under a rock or, like Michelle, never follow sports; Jimmer Fredette is a senior at BYU who is currently the top scorer in the NCAA.  He sinks 3-pointers like a fat kid sinking toddlers' floatation devices.  He's kind of a big deal.




Michelle probably didn't think too much of her letter either.  But she made one critical error: she posted about it publicly on Facebook.

 

 Well, this opened quite the floodgate.


I want you to keep in mind that this is only a small sample of the comments that were posted.  Within 20 hours of Michelle's letter, she received over 500 comments.  Yes, you read that right.  You can read the page in its entirety here

Pretty quickly, the response to Michelle's letter went viral.  Everyone on campus is talking about it.  2 News in Utah did a bit on it in the evening news.  Even ESPN.com took notice.

What I find most ironic about all of this is how Michell's letter did the opposite of what she intended it to do.  Since it was published, 'Jimmer Worship' has been taken to a whole new level, and I think it's hilarious.


The reason the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness
is because they tried to find the limit of Jimmer's range.

Jimm-ception

"Must be in the sealed part. . . "





The Jimmer has touched MC Hammer.




Yes, Jimmer can make it from here.
 
He didn't even have to walk to Mordor.  Jimmer just chucked it from Rivendell.

"Let Jimmer garnish thy thoughts unceasingly. . ."



For being such a good sport, someone even extended an olive branch to Michelle:


This is what I love about BYU:  so far, no one has said anything profane, unintelligent or overtly mean spirited.  Instead, BYU has shown the web that we know how to have some good, clean fun. 

Good times.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Accountability Time

Given that we're a whole month into the new year, I figure it's time to give you an update on how I'm doing with my five new year's resolutions (which you can read about here).

Work out for 30 Minutes Three Times a Week -- A-

I'm doing pretty good with this one.  I've figured out my schedule so that I can make time for exercising on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I was worried that I wouldn't have time to do this because of my increasingly demanding studies, but I have figured out a solution that I will get to later.

I gave myself an A-minus because of the hardcore fail so far in achieving my vision:




But did anyone really expect that to happen in one month?

Read The Book of Mormon in 100 Days -- A+ 

I am about 30 days into my challenge, and am currently slightly ahead of schedule (Mosiah 13, page 172).  I'm pretty happy about that.  I haven't yet set aside a consistent time to read everyday, so I often find myself reading in between classes and during lunch.

I give myself extra credit for having a special highlighting system for this read.  Right before I started, I picked up a blank, hardcover copy of The Book of Mormon from the BYU Bookstore.  I decided that I would highlight the following:
  • Any reference to Jesus Christ or God the Father (including pronouns) in Green
  • Any communication from Heaven (angels, signs, prophets, voices, etc.) in Blue
  • Anything mankind does to merit this communication (praying, showing faith, obeying commandments) in Red
By doing this, I've been able to find a lot of if/then statements throughout the BofM that I might of otherwise missed, such as the relationship between Lehi's prayers and his vision that is found in 1 Nephi chapter one.  I'll likely blog about this more in the future.

Earn at Least a B+ in All My Classes -- B (wait for it. . .) Plus

It's pretty hard to judge this one right now given that none of my grades have come out and that we haven't even gotten to midterms yet, but I can make a couple of observations.

I totally Jimmered my finance test with a 99percent, but I BYU-Football-at-the-start-of-last-seasoned'd my Business Grammar exam with a 77percent.  I heard later that the average for that test was 76.8 percent, so I at least beat the curve.

I've been able to do this by staying on campus from 9:30 AM to about 7:00 PM every day.  I'm even studying while exercising in the mornings (I seem to remember what I read better when I'm on an elliptical machine anyway).

Give at Least Five Compliments a Day -- C-

It's pretty hard to keep track of this, but if I were to estimate, I would say I'm averaging about 2-3 compliments a day--and that's being generous. 

Thing is, I don't want to become a person who gives out compliments just because I said that I need to give out compliments.  I want to do this so that I get better at seeing the good in others, and because I like to make people happy.

Cut Back on The Mormon Swears -- [What the] F!!!!

I still say fetch, fudge, eff, shiz, and the rest of the classics like a Sailor on basic cable.  I've realized that cutting back doesn't happen naturally, so I need to find some way to motivate myself.  I'm thinking that maybe I should get my roommate to punch me in the arm every time I say a Mormon cuss--a la 'Best Two Years.'  That could end poorly, but I can't think of any better ideas.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Great Nacho Fail.

A while ago, my dad was cooking nachos.  He started out by carefully putting tortilla chips evenly spaced apart on a pan.

He then took out the Pace Picante Salsa from our refrigerator and applied a small spoonful of hot salsa to each and every tortilla chip.

After that, my dad got the modestly sharp cheddar cheese and liberally grated it over the nachos.

My dad then placed the pan of nachos inside our oven which had been preheated to 350-degrees Fahrenheit.

At this time, I was sitting on the couch watching TV, eagerly awaiting some fresh nachos.  Dad turned to me and said:


For those who can't read cursive, that says: "Son, go and fetch some fresh parsley from our garden, that we may garnish these fine nachos!"    (That's not a direct quote, by the way.)  

We actually do grow parsley in our garden.  Being the obedient boy I am, I went out into the garden and collected a few cloves of parsley.  As you know, parsley makes it fancy.


Anyway, I got back to the kitchen with the parsley right in time for the nachos to come out of the oven.  My dad started cutting the parsley into tiny bits to sprinkle on top of our late night delicacy.

Now, maybe my dad got cocky, or the sweet smell of melted cheese distracted him, but whatever the case is, he made a mistake while chopping the parsley.




My dad had accidentally sliced off about one-eighth of an inch off of the tip of his index finger.  It took him a couple of seconds to realize how freaky that was.




By the way, I was just wanted to clarify that I would have drawn fingers on my pictures if I wasn't using a laptop track pad.  So you get just the circle hands.  Don't complain, just imagine fingers on there, with one of them bleeding profusely.

Anyway, it was around this point that my then 12-year-old little brother entered the room.




My little brother then picked up the small chunk of finger that my dad lost.

At this point my dad took the small chunk and decided to go see a doctor.

True story.




UPDATE:  Almost immediately after posting, I realized that I was doing y'all a disfavor by not writing about what happens next.

My dad went to our neighborhood doctor.  He lives just a few streets away and had just gotten off-duty at the ER.




The doctor then told my dad to stick a bandage on his fingertip and just let it heal naturally.

Meanwhile, back home: