Saturday, January 29, 2011

If you had access to a time machine, where and when would be the first place you travel to?

Being the sci-fi nerd I am, I would probably travel to the future and oogle all sorts of jet-packs, spaceships, and talking robot eye thingys.
Second choice would easily be Renaissance Italy. I would go there and get art lessons from Michealangelo, Da Vinci, Botticelli, and the rest of the crew.

You can ask me anything you want: religion, politics, top 5's, etc.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What's in a Name?

I decided to write another spiritual post on here, since it appears that the ones I've written in the past have been getting abnormally high amounts of traffic lately.

One of the things I noticed as a missionary was that missionary apartments had a way of collecting weird objects.  I don't know why, but I think that it has something to do with "one man's garbage is another man's treasure," or something like that.  Here are a few examples of what I found over the course of two years:
- A collection of empty bottles of chocolate milk forming a pyramid
- Copies of the LDS Church's 'Ensign' magazine dating back to the early 80's
- Happy meal toys found on the sidewalk
- Tech-Deck fingerboards
- An awful orange corduroy couch from the 70's that was falling apart
- A makeshift weight bar constructed from a broomstick and milk cartons filled with water, all held together by ratty socks

My favorite random missionary apartment item, though, would have to be the giant dictionary in the Jonesboro, AR apartment.  This is the kind of dictionary that English teachers keep on a pedastel at the front of the classroom, and that you could use as a bench-press if you wanted to.  It was unabridged and was originally published in the later 70's.

One day I was bored and decided to start browsing the dictionary.  After looking up a couple of different words, I thought it would be fun to look up my own name (Elder Jacob Low).  This was a dictionary that was comprehensive enough to list "An office of the Priesthood in the Mormon Church" under the definition of "Elder."

Jacob, as you know, comes from the Biblical character in Genesis, and the name means "a supplanter," or "usurper: one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another."  In the Bible, Esau believes Jacob supplanted his birthright as well as his blessing, which is why he angrily exclaims "is not he rightly named Jacob?  for he hath supplanted me these two times!" - Genesis 27:36

...But what really took the cake was the definition of "Low."  This dictionary had over 50 different definitions of the word, taking up an entire column.  Here are some of my favorites, along with my thoughts on them:

 1. Not high or tall.
(Can't really argue with that one.  At least I'm not the shortest [I'm wearing the red tie].)

2. Situated or passing below the normal level or surface (isn't this kinda the same thing?).

3. Not loud.

4. Humble in status (sort of a compliment except for the 'in status' part).

5. Weak, also: depressed (Ouch).

6. Stricken, prostrate.

7. Less than usual in number, amount or value; also: of lesser degree than average.

8. Falling short of standard (Somebody get some ice for that burn!).

9. Unfavorable.

10. Providing little nourishment or strength, as a diet


 (now I feel like you're insulting my figure, as well as what I eat.  That's low, man)

11. Of inferior quality or character.

12. Mean, base, disreputable (you've hurt my feelings and now I'm crying.).

13. Struck or delivered below a contestant's belt [in boxing] (It's hard to hit above the belt when you're "not high or tall")

14. Dead (Whaaa...?  Is this some kind of threat?)

So yeah, that's the name I wore on my nametag for two years.  Elder Low.  I have a wonderful legacy.  Anyway, everbody's name has divers meanings attatched to them--mine just happens to be more conspicuous than most peoples'.  I bring all this up so that we can compare and contrast in just a moment.

Now let's switch to a different dictionary and a different name:

"Christ: The anointed (Gk.) or Messiah (Heb.).  Jesus, who is called Christ, is the firstborn of the Father in the spirit and the Only Begotten of the Father in the flesh.  He is Jehovah, and was foreordained to his great calling...before the world was.

"...He lived a sinless life, and wrought out a perfect atonement for all mankind by the shedding of his blood and his death on the cross.

"...brought to pass the bodily resurrection of every living thing and the salvation and exaltation of the faithful.

"He is the greatest Being to be born on this earth--the perfect example--...He is Lord of lords, King of kings, the Creator, the Savior, the God of the whole earth, the Captain of our salvation, the Bright and Morning Star.

"....His name is above every name, and is the only name under heaven by which we can be saved..."


(LDS Bible Dictionary, pg. 633, emphasis added).



Beautiful, isn't it?  That's quite a stark contrast from the definition of my name.  Webster's Dictionary would be quite a page turner if every definition was this eloquent.

So like I was saying earlier, I wore the name "ELDER LOW" in big bold letters on my shirt pocket everyday for two years.  But underneath that were the words "The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints."  Emphasis was put on "Jesus Christ,"  making it the second most visible part of my nametag.  I wore that name everyday for two years as well.  If I were to engage in some disorderly conduct and someone saw it, I promise you that one of the first things they would notice is the name on shirt pocket.  That person's opinion of that name and everything it represented would likely have been greatly diminished.



Now, I may have taken upon myself the name of Christ in a more conspicuous manner, but everyone who has been baptized has taken upon themselves the name of Christ in a much nore meaningful way:

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
 9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
 10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?
-Mosiah 18: 8-10 (emphasis added)

These verses display some of the promises that we make when we are baptized, and is one of many examples in the scriptures where the importance of taking upon yourself the name of the Lord is mentioned.  Alma 5 and Kings Benjamin's address in Mosiah 2-4 are two other excellent examples found in the Book of Mormon. 

What does it mean to take upon yourself the name of Christ?  It means that you covenant that you will "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death."  In other words: you might as well be wearing a nametag that says 'Jesus Christ' on it all day long.

How do you think the Savior feels when people do stupid stuff in his name?  Could it be possible that this is one of the ways that we break the third commandment?

I would like to challenge you to remember that you are a representitive of Jesus Christ, and that there are people who are looking to you as an example.  Please, please, please don't anything to tarnish the name you carry.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sometimes I Feel Like One of those Guys that Spins Plates on Sticks

And when I have too many plates on sticks to spin, the first thing that I'm going to drop is the blog.  Sorry to those that have been waiting for a new post! I'm usually working on two to three different blog posts at a time, and they take a surprising amount of time (who would've thunk that MS paint would ever be time consuming?).  Rest assured, a new post is coming soon.  Here's a quick list of what's been occupying my time:

1. An upcoming test in Bus M 301: Finance for Business majors.  Last week I realized that I have no idea what things like 'free cash flow to the firm' or 'the DuPont equation' mean, and that the test is coming up this Wednesday.

2. An upcoming test in M Comm 320:  Business Communications.  This is causing a lot of stress once I realized my public school English education has done very little for me in the grammar department.  I was doing a 65 question practice test this weekend and came across question after question like this:
  • Which of the following best applies sentence-subject guidelines?
    • A. Many people believe that it's not what you know, but who you know that counts.
    • B. It's going to be cloudy and rainy this weekend, so bring an umbrella.
    • C. There will be a shortage of seating, so we won't be able to invite extra guests to the performance.
    • D. The bus will drop us off before the game in Lot C, but it will pick us up after the game in Lot  D.
Don't ask me which one is right, because I've only narrowed it down to two.  By the way, since this class started, I have learned that I have been making all sorts of grammatical errors on here.  Please don't judge me.

3. I was just barely called to be the secretary in my Elders' Quorum.  It'll be fun, but a bit time consuming.  I need to learn the names of everyone in the quorum and take attendance every week.  This is complicated because I have only been going to my current student ward for three weeks now.

4. My roommate got Halo: Reach for the Xbox 360.  Saving the planet from the threat of an alien invasion takes precedence over blogging.

5. My roommate got an Xbox Kinect.  Looking like a spaz and having Microsoft record it on a camera takes precedence over blogging. . . . I think. . . .

So yeah, I think three out of my five reasons are pretty good.

P.S.  FYI, it's the worst day of the year today.  It was scientifically proven by a British scientist.  Read about it here.  My favorite part of the article is were we learn about the formula used to determine the worst day of the year:

"The model is: [W + (D-d)] x TQ     
                             M x NA
The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt, (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action."

I'm pretty sure most of those variables are bogus, but whatever.  It's written down and published on MSNBC.com, so it must be true. 

Coincidentally, today is my 22nd birthday.  Happy worst day of the year to MEEE!
While the rest of y'all are being depressed over the weather, the lack of holidays, and your need to take action, I'll be celebrating by killing alien hordes and pretending to dance on the Kinect.  Suck on that!

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Update

I'm in a new apartment this semester.  It's known as one of the four 'penthouses' here at my apartment complex.  Normally, you have to pay an extra 20-50 dollars (can't remember the exact amount) to live there, but thanks to a special deal I got, it still costs the same for me.  Win.

Why does it cost extra?  Here's the reasoning:
  • The ceilings are a couple feet higher
  • We have stainless steel appliances
  • The TV is a bit nicer
  • There are cabinets above the washer and dryer
  • We have a DVR
Honestly, I don't think it's worth the extra price.  Here's why:
  • Stainless steel appliances in the kitchen don't mean much to me since I do all my cooking with a microwave.  I believe it cooks the same either way.  Although it would be cool if there was a difference....
  • "Look at what the stainless steel microwave did to my Hot Pocket!"
  • The TV in the last apartment was nicer than any TV I ever had at home, so I was content with that.
  • I always kept my laundry detergent on top of the dryer in the last apartment.  Cabinets are unnecessary.
  • I watch all my TV on Hulu and Netflix, so DVR is also unnecessary.
  • Ten foot ceilings are high enough for me.  It's not like I'm an 11 and 1/2 foot freak.
"Oh, how I wish my ceiling was higher..."

In related news, I found something interesting the first time I walked into my apartment's bathroom.


That's a life-size dinosaur head, and it's at eye-level with you when you're sitting on the john.  One of my roommates is a film major, and he had to construct this head for a film project.  It's disturbingly lifelike with its eyes and textured tongue and stuff.  It sort of creeped me out the first time I wanted to use the bathroom here.



















In other news, I'm now back in school.  It's been a full 30 months since I was a full time student.  Here's something I don't get: 

Full-Time Missionary
  • Biggest Stressor: The eternal salvation of everyone I come into contact with!
  • My Approximate Stress Level:  Maybe a six.
 Full-Time Student
  • Biggest Stressor:  Currently a quiz worth ten points towards my final grade.
  • My Approximate Stress Level:  20
Can anyone explain that one to me?

Final item: Maxibus the Man Van died this last Sunday.  I knew it would have a short life-expectancy! Fortunately, I have very loving parents who care that I have a vehicle.  They provided the funds for a new fuel pump that should add some extra mileage to Maxibus.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Guess the Doodle

I've been working on a couple of art projects lately that are kind of, well, I think the word I'm looking for is 'difficult.'  You know, they just aren't behaving the way I'd like them to--if that makes any sense.  To anyone that reads this that doesn't know me personally, I can actually draw.  Here's an example:

These are my little brother's hands.
 I put that there just so you know that not everything I draw looks like this:

Although, you have to admit I captured the texture of the Chalupa pretty good there.
Anyway, I kind of needed a break and wanted to draw some really simple stuff, while playing a game with you.  It's called 'Guess the Doodle.'  I show you a picture, you guess what it is, and then you read the answer.  Some of the doodles are copies of drawings people have shown me before, so even though I did draw it myself, these pictures aren't all original artwork.  Get it?  Okay, we move on now.  First doodle:


Is it a rising sun?  A setting sun?  A train tunnel?
No. It's a portrait of an amoebae!  I feel like I really captured his essence here.

#2

This one is called "Guy in Sombrero Riding a Bicycle. From Above."

#3


Here we see four elephants sniffing a large peanut.  The elephants like to be very symmetrical.

#4



This one is kind of sad....  It's a worm attempting to cross a razor blade.

#5

Is it a guy with glasses that has a very bad case of pink eye?  No!  it's the guy in a sombrero frying an egg after his morning bike ride.  Once again, from above.

#6

This one is very touching.  It's a koala bear giving a giraffe a hug.

#7

I believe this is the most intense doodle of the series.  This one shows the guy in a sombrero being chased by a Chinese guy--in canoes!

#8


A hat?  A fried egg?
Nope.  I call it "Python Digesting Zookeeper."

#9


This is a velociraptor.  In a box!  I like to think it's the same one you don't see in the opening scene of Jurassic Park.

Last one:
#10


This...this is a really fat guy in a sombrero.

Fun story about this guy:  One day this really fat guy decided to wear his favorite red sombrero and enjoy a day at the beach with his family.  He forgot to pack sunscreen and got really sunburned.  Towards the end of the day, a businessman in a tree spotted him and had an epiphany.

Businessmen always wear suits.  Even at the beach.
So he snapped a photo with his cell phone camera and eventually made millions for his logo design.

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year... New Things to Resolve

As y'all know, the new year is just around the corner.  We go through a yearly ritual of making some resolutions that we're sure to break by February, and by December we've forgotten what those resolutions even were.  We'll I'm going to break out of that rut this year.  I plan on writing my resolutions down and posting it on my bulletin board in my room, so that I see them every day. 

I'm even going to post my resolutions on this blog so that you can hold me accountable.  In fact, if any of you see me on the roads, I want you to stop me and say "how are the New Year's resolutions going?" 

And then I'll say "thank you for asking me.  I'm [a) doing great, b) doing pretty good with most of them, c) having some difficulties, or d) in the $@#% crapper]."

And then I want you to recommit me to live up to my New Year's resolutions, no matter how much I resist.  This is the way missionaries help the people they teach break out of bad habits.  Of course, I do know all the missionary tactics,  so I might be a tough case if I'm not happy about you asking about the resolutions.  Just twist my arm until I break, or something like that.  I'm being kind of serious about this.

When I was a missionary, my mission president would have all the zone leaders and assistants of the mission set a yearly goal for the number of people our mission would baptize by that year, and we would always set the goal in a special mission council meeting in which all the participants arrive praying and fasting.  That goal would then be something we would all work towards--together--for the entire year.  During my time in the Little Rock mission, the number of baptisms we would have per year doubled, and I'm confident in saying that setting some high goals and then following through with faith and hard work was a major factor in that.

Maybe I'm being naive, but I'm going to try the same thing this year.  My goals won't all be religious and I won't say that they came as the result of prayer and inspiration, but I will say that they came after some serious considerations, and that I believe they are attainable, yet stretching.

#1.  Work out for 30 minutes 3 times a week

My vision:


Nobody wants a roundhouse kick to the face in those bad boys.
Vision likely to come true?  Not really.  But it is good to exercise.

#2.  Read the Book of Mormon in 100 Days

I did this at the end of my mission, and it was an awesome experience.  Our BYU stake is planning on doing the same thing this year, so I'm going to capitalize on that.

#3.  Make at least a B+ in all my classes

I go to school for the first time since 2008 tomorrow.  I'm not too worried about this goal, since I'm a freakish perfectionist when it comes to grades and will likely sacrifice just about anything short of a minor appendage if it means higher grades.

"Must... Get... A-minus..."
#4.  Give Five Compliments a Day

Can you imagine how awesome the world would be if everyone did this?  I know I posted the short film 'Validation' on here before, but I think it deserves a repeat: http://bit.ly/evpE86.  It's a film about a guy who gives wonderful compliments to literally every person he sees

#5.  Cut Back on the Mormon Swears

 Examples: Flip, fudge, fetch, freak, freakin', shiz, crap, and my personal favorite: what the eff!?

I'll need to find new words to express myself.
<stubs toe> "Gahh!  Melvin!"
<burns finger>  "Oww!!  Zeezrom!"

I'll work on some better words.  I promise.

Once again, I'm committed to do these resolutions.  So stop and ask me how they're going.  You may think that the idea of having New Year's resolutions is kind of silly.  And to be honest, I do too, but I firmly believe that everyone needs goals in their life.  After all, how can you expect to go anywhere if you don't take the steps inbetween?